Mandatory Teenage Angst

You always hear me talk about more adult topics, and everyone always hears me say how I wanted to be a Veterinarian for a good part of my childhood. Well, now they hear me saying that I want to be a high school Biology teacher. Yup, that's right. Now, before you start in with asking Where is the angst?!, just let me finish.

It isn't entirely true that I've always wanted to be a veterinarian. I have always loved animals. They are my escape, my friends, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on, my loves. However, they weren't my first love. That title would belong to my voice. I love to sing.

Sure, sure. Lots of people enjoy singing. Yup, my little description box over there says I like singing. Thing is, I never took lessons. I taught myself to sing listening to 'Nsync, Brittany Spears, Shania Twain, Martina McBride, and the like. Whitney Houston is completely my hero.

I was very shy as a kid, and anytime I would sing in front of people, they would get annoyed and shush me. It didn't take long to convince me that I had no talent. I decided, that like everything else, I lacked the talent and would have to make up for it in hard work. I began staying up late into the night, sometimes past midnight, to practice. I sang along to songs, trying my hardest to mimic the voices.

Slowly, I gained confidence. I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I might be some good. I desperately wanted someone to notice my voice. I loved singing so much. It was my dream to be famous, to spread the way music makes me feel to the world. Quite honestly, that dream has never died, nor has that feeling. I still love to sing. It makes me so happy, nearly nothing can stop me from singing, aside from losing my voice completely. Every time I listen to the radio, I dream of being discovered, of getting at least one song on the radio.

I know it's a crazy dream. I know that it's completely illogical, and that hardly anyone ever makes it anywhere. What I don't understand is why that should stop me from trying. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If I didn't make it, I'd just be right back where I am now, right? It's not like I would stop going to school to try. I would still want to finish up school while I was singing.

So, there's today's angst for you. Hope you enjoyed reading it.

Singing as I post,
Shansie